“My mechanic in California has had my car for over 2 years for a refurbishment/restoration. He rebuilt the engine a year and a half ago (it’s still on an engine hoist), but since paying him last year for all work to be performed he’s done nearly nothing to the car. Every month that I visit him he comes up with some excuse as to why there’s been no progress and then pushes out the completion date another six to eight weeks. I no longer believe that my car is a real priority nor do I believe the car will be completed in the foreseeable future.

How can I get him to complete the car as agreed to on the invoice and not anger him so as to compromise the work he has verbally guaranteed? “

Having been waiting on something that’s been promised in good faith can certainly wear on a person’s patience. And when it comes to repair work, a person can lose hope of ever getting the repairs done that were originally agreed upon.

But as my mother taught me, you can catch more flies with sugar than you can with vinegar, so in a situation like this, it’s time to put on the charm. It’s time to make your mechanic your new best friend and show him how persistent your “friendship” can be while you are waiting for your car to be finished.

I would start by stopping by the shop every few days to see how he is doing. Bring him coffee and donuts and tell him you were in the area and just wanted to chat. Let him know that you can see just how busy he is and just wanted to keep in touch.

Each time you drop in, talk about your family and what your plans are for the weekend and upcoming vacations. Ask him what his vacation plans are. Ask him about his kids or grandkids. How his job is going and emphasizing that you can see how busy he is by the amount of work that he has backlogged.

If he does mention the progress on your car, express interest and remind him you will drop back into the shop in a few days just to say “hi”. Bring him a small trinkets, (low cost and gaudy if possible) showing him you value him as a friend and all the work he is doing.

In essence your goal is to be genuinely kind while becoming a nuisance. Hopefully he will find himself too busy to talk with you and will make a special effort to finish your car quickly so you will find another “best friend” and leave him in peace.

It may not work for everyone, but it certainly can’t hurt at this point.

Sensible Guides.

Ironically, the very act of falling in love in the first place feels like one is losing oneself in the romance. At the best of times, this feeling is experienced by both partners. But generally speaking, it tends to be sustained throughout the relationship to a greater extent with women.

Pleasing Too Much

Women are taught to value cooperation over confrontation and may find themselves pretending to agree with something rather than challenge it. Part of it may be due to our tendencies toward giving our hearts completely and forgetting about our own needs along the way.

Many of us have learned our peace keeping skills from very early on. These may become so ingrained over time, that it becomes difficult to put ourselves first.

So, if you find yourself suppressing your own dreams and visions for the the sake of wanting to please, you are creating a co-dependency, where your inner happiness depends on successfully pleasing your partner.

As a result, you keep are keeping a vital part of yourself hidden from view. If your partner doesn’t have the chance to experience the real you, there is no longer a healthy give and take in the relationship. There is an emotional inequity. If this continues, it can lead to hidden resentments and crushed dreams.

Back Into Balance

To get back into a healthy balance, give yourself some space. Take some “me” time to be alone and happy. This can be as simple as finding a quiet corner to do something on your own and recharge your sense of self. Here are a few suggestions:

• Spend an evening with no interruptions, rejuvenating in your own special way: like reading a special book; luxuriating in a bubble bath; dreaming new dreams…etc..
• Go shopping or spending time with good friends, just goofing around without any worries.
• Develop new friendships and interests to energize yourself and enjoy a new sense of creativity.
• Learn to be more assertive in the moment and state your needs without hurting others.
• Set new boundaries so you can garner more respect and appreciation from your partner. Don’t forget you trained your partner to treat you the way he does now, you just need to notch it up to a new and healthier level.

Most of all, commit to having more fun in your relationship. Support each other in your individual strengths and encourage each others growth. Respect each others differences but most of all, be authentic.

When you make your needs a priority in your own life, your relationship will indeed reap the rewards in the healthiest way possible.

Sensible Guides.

Romance Found

That’s when I first saw my wife, Gertie, the most beautiful woman in the dance hall. Well, wouldn’t you know it, she practically ignored me. I was the one who had to win her heart. (I later found out that she did notice, but was determined not to inflate my ego any further.)

Herein began my lifelong learning on how to be romantic. You see, there’s a whole lot more to romance than wearing a cool uniform or paying special attention at Valentines, birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. In fact I find these events quite bothersome because they often lower the dance of romance to a guilt-ridden, money sucking kind of phoniness. Now, I don’t mean you should not spend money on your sweetheart, but it should never be a substitute for the real thing.

The whole idea of romance is to show your desire and appreciation for your loved ones in thought, word and deed. And to do that you have to awaken your inner romantic.

When you fall in love, you are always thinking of your sweetheart as you go about your day. You find ways to please them and show your passion for them. So if you want a lifetime of love, always be in this state of romance. Don’t fall into the monotonous trap of rigid routines.

Too many relationships these days are broken, inevitably the result of poor mentoring, inconsistent attention and selfish expectations. Well now, you don’t have to end up lonely or forever seeking another one to fill your empty heart anymore.

Here are some never-fail tips to get you into the heart of romance. By the way, these will appeal to any kind of romance. It is not restricted to intimate couples only.

1. Get Into The Feeling of Romance:

Slow down enough to appreciate the beauty of a sunset, the blossom of a flower, the unconfined wonder of a small child, and so on . For you men out there, this is not mushy stuff, this is just how natural living really feels like. How can you create that feeling of romance with a woman, if you don’t try it on for yourself? As they say, “Try it, you’ll like it!”  It’s about getting into the mood for romance in a very effective way.

2. Be Creatively Thoughtful:

Tune into your loved one. Breathe into what you really love about her. Think of a small, special gesture you can do that is outside your agreed upon regular routines and duties.Get creative here: a single favorite flower, a short poem, a special errand, an unexpected gesture, and so on. As you practice, these simple ideas will keep multiplying and you’ll never be at a loss.

3. Show Your Affection:

Get to know what your beloved likes. Don’t reserve your affection only for your private intimate times. Make her feel special in public too: hold her hand, flirt a little, give her a sweet embrace, toast her at dinner, or cook her a special meal. You’ll get to know what pleases her. For instance, I quickly learned that Gertie hates being whistled at in public, it embarrasses her and makes her feel cheap.

These three romantic tips will make you a very rich man in many ways. I can certainly attest to it. And you don’t have to be slick or perfect at this. Your beloved will feel your genuine effort and return your affection thousandfold. So go for it. You have nothing to lose!

Sensible Guides.